Gratitude
by Anushka
Summary: Nick's mum thoughts on Nick's relationship with Sara and her relationship with her son. Pairing: NS


**Disclaimer**: Not mine, never has been, never will be.

**A/N**: Seriously don't know where this came from. Nick's mum thoughts on Nick's relationship with Sara and her relationship with her son.

**Pairing**: N/S

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**Gratitude**

She looks at the young woman who is so different from the other girls her son introduced to her. Compared to her they were empty shells. She seems to be overflowing with emotion, she almost seems to be drowning in it and all she wants to do right now is give her a hug, but she can't. The way she is just slightly leaning into Nick tells her that it would be just too much for her to handle. Part of her understands, but another part doesn't. That part doesn't quite understand why her son has picked out a girl like her, someone who will add even more complexity to his life.

Nick has warned her multiple times not to overwhelm her with questions and stories and most of all he has warned her not to comment on her eating habits. "She doesn't do food very well," he said and it is taking every ounce of her strength to keep the promise she made at least ten times. She is a mother of four daughters after all and she knows the trap of eating disorders is just lurking around the corner. Nick has promised her though that she isn't suffering from an eating disorder. "She just doesn't seem to think eating is that important". The tone of voice he used while explaining this to her told her that there have been many fights over this exact same topic. At least she doesn't look as fragile as she had imagined her to be, so she must be eating something at some time.

She looks at Nick and she feels the distance between her and her youngest child is getting bigger by the second. She doesn't know what is going on in his life. She doesn't know why he has made the decisions in his life he has made. Quite frankly she doesn't seem to know who he is anymore. She wonders if she ever knew, especially as she looks at Sara who seems to know exactly what he is thinking, who finishes his sentences while she is still waiting for him to finish them.

She has asked Nick if they are living together. He said they weren't, but she knew he was lying by the slight hesitation before he answered her question. She wishes he felt comfortable enough to tell her something like that. She doesn't know what else he has been hiding for her so she has let her eyes wander over their hands. No sign of an engagement ring or a wedding ring, but she realizes that doesn't mean anything.

She knows she should be grateful Nick cared enough to introduce her to Sara, but right now she just can't be happy, truly happy for him. She feels left out, she feels this strange kind of jealousy of this person who seems to be the most important factor in the life of her son, and most of all she feels alone. This feeling of loneliness only gets stronger by the memories of the relationship she used to have with her late husband.

Her husband, his father, a father who never acted as a father, a husband who never acted like a husband for that matter and she knows she made the mistake to let her life evolve around this man, ignoring her children in the process, ignoring Nick. She adds feeling guilty to the list of feelings coursing through her body. She has no idea what kind of impact the absence of having a real father figure in his life has had on Nick's life. She knows he left Texas because he felt suffocated by the expectations of being a "Stokes". She doesn't know an awful lot when it comes down to Nick.

Lost in thoughts she hasn't noticed the silence until she feels two pairs of eyes directed at her. She blurts out the first thought arising in her head "So are you two thinking about having children?"

Nick rises abruptly and with a firm "Don't" he leaves the room. Sara follows him after sending her an apologetic smile. The remainder of the night is spent in an awkward silence interrupted by forced questions and answers. When she thinks the torture has lasted long enough she asks Nick to drop her off at her hotel. The drive to the hotel is spent in the same tense and awkward silence, but before she gets out of the car she turns to him and apologize. She tells him she didn't realize Sara doesn't want to have children. He doesn't look at her and stares into black night in front of him. Before she leaves the car completely he says "I don't want them." It takes her a second to understand what he is saying and in that second she has closed the car door and watches him leave into the cold night.

The years go by and he keeps in touch, but he never visits her and she never visits him again. Sometimes she gets pictures of him and Sara and she knows he isn't the one sending them, but she likes to pretend he is. She doesn't think she lost him that night. She thinks she was slowly losing him during all those years when he was growing up right in front of her. Of all the feelings she had about his relationship with Sara only one stuck and that is gratitude, gratitude that someone seems to know who her son is, that he has someone who cares so much about him that she would probably give her life for him, that he has someone who loves him. All she feels now is grateful that her son is loved.

**END**


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